Sunday, July 17, 2011

Stress and the cut-off points?

I've always thought the old motto "burn out rather than fade away" would fit me to a T, but I was wrong.

I do not wanna burn out.  I do not wanna die-out in what I believe, and I think recent events would illustrate the change:

I have a friend who honestly, I've been having weird issues with for the two years I've known her.  At first it was a crush, now it was a friendship, or so I thought.

She has been through crap, and I offered my home state as refuge.  But the one issue with this woman that, honestly, made me burn out was relapse.

You could help this girl, give her the new home, job, and friendly faces....and she drops it....

1) She feels like she doesn't deserve it, she is supposed to suffer.  Nobody deserves to suffer!  But her rocky life and even more boulder-isk relationship with her late mother put her on a path of self-denial and self-mental abuse.

2) She feels like she must latch on to people, and granted, this caused issues between her and I lately.  I cannot be her nanny (or boyfriend either, hoo boy), and this pushed her into....

3).......shut-down mode, a mode I've noticed where she completely goes into a deep depression and barely even speaks.  It seems to be a culmination of things, from both her parents passing away, her life being rough, and a plethora of other things, and her thought that "I'm not supposed to be happy".  She will completely refuse happiness (or even sustenance like food) and honestly, I'm shocked that she is even alive.

Point being, though, is despite all of the above, and the several occasions where things just didn't add up from her end that were obvious indicators I should be wary, i.e. "I should've stopped trying to help looooong ago"....I burnt myself out trying to help this kid.  I stumbled several times in faith and common sense, and all for naught: she will stay where she feels comfortable, a place where comfort is hard to find.  But then again, at least she is going to a different part of Texas.  I really do hope for her best, but Lord Almighty I'm burnt.

After all of this, I find myself exhausted and possibly stressed enough for health issues to finally latch on, because the guilt of this woman killing herself because she's mourning me and the issues people gave me over helping someone......well, I'm not too happy right now.  I have recently gotten over it, and wish to forget about this experience so I can sleep, but meeting people like that, who you thought you knew those two throws you for a loop.

But in all this, burn out.  I felt that I can burn out and fade away into something new....but this experience of all this drama, dead-ends, and finding out that not everyone was telling the all made me realize:

I just wanna sit here, under the shade of an oak tree with loved ones, sippin' my tea, and enjoying the sounds of an encroaching thunderstorm in the distance, with the smell the winds bring.  I have no desires to push myself full-metal in some action movie, or be the bad-ass Doctor Phil, and despite willing to help people, I've learned that I do need to put myself ahead of everyone else or I burn out and take those folk with me.

In a sense, patience and knowing when to back off.....learned.  When to make others stay away from me so I can breathe and not have them "shut down"......I think that's gonna take some time.

Either way, I think of what a friend told me after all this: let it be in God's hands, and take a damn break.

I am waaaaaaaay ahead of ya now.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Catholic Movies/Shows For Prime-Time TV?

I'd watch them, provided they were historical and showed the drama, beauty, sillies, triumphs and tragedies of the faith over the years...and not tainted by the liberal media's way of always painting it up as some boohoo message of "Church bad" and beat to death the horrid parts of the Crusades and simply making it seem that the knights were out to kill children.

I know Fatima and Lourdes had their day on screen.  But what about the inner-drama of interactions of people working within the "Office Space" except about Cardinals and monks and whatnot?

I think it'd be hilarious, and a better way to show that our Church isn't something of monsters to those spoonfed what Hollywood wants us to see, hm?

Sorry for bullshit post, but it was worth bringing up.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Separation of Church and State?

It's a subject I've always been beaten to death over.  As logical as it may seem to many, it seems equally as silly to the other side.

After all, isn't America full of God-fearing people?  Should we ever bend to those non-godly folk?

I spent many a day getting an earful from both sides, and felt there are obvious points to be made.  Yes, America  is a "Christian nation" in the sense of population and such, and yes, obviously a place to declare itself "land of the free" doesn't include the tag "if you are Christian" soon after.

My view?

Keep religion out of my government, but only for the sole reasoning of I want governments kept out of my religion!

Look at the history of Catholicism, specifically the history of the Vatican.  Politics and political motives have always made things dicey, and nowadays I believe the separation of Church and State would be beneficial to the Mother Church (besides obvious "don't kill us please" things).  All things considered, seeing how kingdoms have used and abused the Catholic Church through various back-room workings, I can only ponder the extent of a secular government's grasp on today's Church.  I'd rather not have the Faith here in the states fondled and molested (yeah I said it) in ways too many to count.

What if we do get prayer back in schools?  Yay, but what guarantee is there that it will be fully devoted to God? You must remember, I'm not talking about Time Travel and make this all happen from the get-go, we're already knee-deep in things, and trying to bring religion into government would surely prompt that notion of "let's try something new" that would leave many of us Catholics...well....feeling screwed.

I ain't praying to Allah, but the way things are, the guy next to me can (and I can freely say I think it silly...for now, different topic later), but bigger point is I can pray to whoever I want.  Freedom of religion is a beautiful thing for us, even if it seems like bad things are allowed for other beliefs, because if religion was forced in our schools and such, there will be one politician with the bright idea to change which faith it is due to what he/she thinks the majority religion is, and who my child can pray to at school.

^Consider what I've said after that one.

Feel free to throw something here, I'm working on this blogging thing.

Faith, Hope, and Love

A blog about Roman Catholicism in general terms, usually about it being better off in a place like America?!  Better yet, democracy in general being healthier for a spiritual growth, and-- being my natural self-- focusing more on the family rather than the society as a whole for the betterment of the faith.  In short, call out the parents and have them stand and deliver the truth to their children, rather than demand something of the entirety of existence in general, and allow the actions to rise up from homes to head honchos.

Confusing or not making sense?  I can be frustrating in that sense, but you'll go "ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I get it" a day from now.

Instilling the faith, hope, and love of the better faith in our kids rather than some wide swipe at a government system and events thus far will be a more effective way of "saving the world", but that is my two bits, and them bits and many things worth discussing from the common ground level view of the average Catholic citizen (with an IQ mind you) on Catholicism today and his home country's involvement.

I may not be "a smart ass with a degree", as my dad puts it, but I am a man with observations and simple logic that can deal with complicated issues fairly well.  Naturally, political issues affecting our Faith will be discussed, but the whole shindig is the focus, I guess...

Hopefully they can be put to some wording, and the proclamation of the beauty of our Faith can be substantiated and reasoned as I sit and chat about happenings, or at least make good conversation.  Haven't got a definite motive yet on my own movements, but that's all I'd ever want if the faith is to be shown in its entirety in the world: free-falling and flying with angels in the land of the free.

No, wait...I'd die happy if my kids stay true to Truth.